Teasing is something that happens a lot in my family, and some of the teasing used to make me very angry and upset….
Like, why do my parents constantly go on and on and on about something I did when I was 6, 10, 15 etc. etc. I didn’t understand. These things happened decades ago, why are you still going on about them, can’t I be allowed to not be reminded about embarrassing things I did, things I couldn’t pronounce properly, mistakes I made?
Playing with my daughter though I suddenly had an epiphany. Yes they are teasing me, reminding me about things I did when I was younger. But not to be mean, not to belittle and remind me how wrong I was.
They are doing it to remind themselves. Reminding themselves of the little person I used to be. The person they got to know and then disappeared in front of their eyes. The person who couldn’t pronounce something properly and how cute it was for them, and then how it suddenly disappeared.
The best way to describe parenthood is as a constant cycle. You are grieving the person you knew yesterday, enjoying the person they are today and looking forward to who they will be tomorrow.
I currently dread the day when LO can pronounce ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ properly, although I am also amazed by how many words she learns daily. Seeing her grow is the greatest joy, but also a huge sadness as the baby I knew fades away and becomes the toddler I love with glimpses of the little girl she is becoming.
That need and desire to freeze time every day is really there. The dual wish for the difficult moments to stop, and yet for others to never end a constant contradiction.
Nothing anyone tells you can ever help you really understand until you live it.
But finally I really understand why my parents keep banging on about old mistakes and I’ll try harder not to get annoyed by it now. They just miss me. Right?