‘Think positive!’
‘Keep the faith’
‘Put your positive pants on’
Urgh. Just urgh. Fuck off. Stop saying this to people about their own fertility. Especially when they are trying to shut down the conversation by saying ‘I’d rather not talk about it’, ‘not for discussion right now’, ‘maybe another time?’
I KNOW everyone means well, and its meant to try and help… but who, who are you trying to help? The reality is, that most of the time it’s deeply frustrating/upsetting for the person on the receiving end of the comments, and that really the only person it is helping is the one saying it.
Unless you know the intimate details of someones fertility struggle/journey (and if you do, why on earth are you saying any of those things either?), then whilst consistently saying these things might make you feel better and might even make the listener ‘smile’ (aka grimace and wish you would shut up) and say, ‘you’re right, I’ll do that’ (to shut down the conversation), I guarantee that inside they are dying a bit.
Either they want to talk to you honestly about where they are, how they are feeling, their fears and hopes and dreams, in which case, you’ve now made it impossible for them to do so, or, you are peripheral to their life, sharing truisms against a reality you know nothing about.
As I’ve said before, it is fucking hard to know what to say to someone struggling with fertility. I know. I’ve said stupid shit myself. And at the beginning of ‘my journey’ (imagine unicorns, glitter balls and sparkles here please), I didn’t really object as vehemently to randoms saying this to me. As time has gone on though, it gets worse until the point now is that I want to shake them, and tell them to fuck off.
Because yes, I could explain why thinking positive isn’t an option but
a) I don’t owe them an insight into my health issues
b) I am fucking tired of explaining
Summary: things are not going well and I am tired and pissed off about it and that’s all I want to say right now.
❤️