The IVF experience is a whole new world for anyone who falls into it. For most, its somewhere they end up after all other things have failed for whatever reason whether male or female factors.
Most approach IVF with great hope, that FINALLY this will be the solution that means someday soon they will be holding a baby in their arms.
Depending where in the world you are, your personal circumstances (e.g. your weight) and local mores you might be lucky to get some IVF cycles for free, or you might be paying from the get go.
Whichever it is, the IVF process can be brutal. If you’re getting it for free you probably have to meet really strict criteria like being under a certain weight and age, not having previous children, having a certain AMH level (this indicates the womans egg reserve) and so on. If you’re paying for it, you will be making hard decisions about how many cycles you can afford to do and how it might affect your job/life etc. If you’re a same sex couple or single woman there are a myriad of other hurdles to get over.
Lets assume you have managed to get to the point of being signed up to a clinic. Well, its a sure thing right? You’ll have a child if you just do the right thing / take the right supplements / avoid x and y foods etc?
Well no. Sorry, and I wish someone had told me this before I signed up. Would I have still done it? Yes. And so will most others. Because its the hope that makes you do it. But in reality, IVF is more often UNSUCCESSFUL than it is successful. And, as with natural conception the odds of success decrease the older you get – so under 10% likelihood over 40/42 for example.
OK, but you’re going to be in the successful percentile right? Yes.. but make sure you look at live births. Remember also that clinics present the most positive figures they can. Some clinics might only take on those most likely to be successful to maintain higher success levels.
What does IVF involve? So so much more than anyone ever understands before they are already committed to it. IVF is brutal. The drugs are brutal, the travel (even if you are only a few minutes from the clinic), the disruption to your normal life, your partner trying to understand why you’ve suddenly morphed into a crazy person and the disappointment when things don’t work, and it feels like your body is letting you down again, but you want to give it one more go….
IVF treatment basically stops your normal cycle first. Then you are pumped full of hormones to encourage as many follicles (where the eggs grow) to grow as possible – normally only one follicle is ‘selected’ by your body to grow each month. Once follicles get to a certain size (over 20mm normally), the eggs are harvested (sometimes under sedation/anaesthetic, sometimes with nothing) and fertilised (hopefully). Your ovaries are the size of a walnut. Each follicle gets to the size of a grape. In normal IVF you might have between 10-20 follicles to be harvested. You can see that trying to fit 10 grapes into a walnut would be difficult, and so your ovaries get a little sore (this is a massive understatement…) as the day for them to be harvested draws nearer.
Side effects can include ovarian hyper stimulation and sometimes the ovary can twist (they float freely). Sometimes despite all your hard work and following the doctors orders you might ovulate naturally and so ‘lose’ those eggs you’ve just spent a lot of time growing… Sometimes you might get lots of eggs.. but as they have been ‘forced’ to grow the quality isn’t great and they don’t fertilise/don’t develop properly.
Because IVF relies on using high doses of drugs that mimic follicle stimulating hormone (FSH), if you have high levels of this hormone IVF will not really work for you.
Natural or Mild IVF might be an option, and its generally more effective for older women (not in my case sadly). This type of IVF works with your natural cycle (rather than stopping it), and has no/lower levels of drugs. This means there are fewer follicles, but the argument is the eggs are of better quality. In my case this wasn’t true.
So, what should you do? Would I still try IVF knowing what I know now? Probably yes. Even if I had known it would take 2 years I probably would have done it. Mainly because for me I needed to know I had explored all the possibilities open to me. Would I advise others to do it? I would probably advise that they did more homework on the process than I did, and I would definitely advise people to make sure they are having counselling through the process.
IVF is brutal, whether you do one successful cycle or you keep trying for 15 years (not a typo), you should go in with eyes open and knowing that being mentally strong is hugely important. Being positive yes. Being pragmatic and grounded in realism much more important.
With IVF it’s the hope and the ‘what ifs’ that kill you. And I think that’s why its particularly brutal. The wider world sees IVF as a panacea – an answer to all infertility woes – and it just isn’t. It often doesn’t work. The only people who understand what it really involves are those who have done it themselves, and I’m sorry to say, but the woman bears 99% of the emotional and physical burden. It is a hard hard process.
And what about work? I’ll talk about that in another blog…
Want to know more? There are many many things written in great detail about the IVF process, but this recent article is quite helpful in describing the main stages: https://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/entry/how-does-ivf-physically-feel_uk_5dcea93fe4b01f982f006f3c